“And it came to pass that God visited the earth, and He did behold a series of billboard ads attributing to Him utterances of such banality that they would never pass His lips in a billion years. And it came to pass that God in His wrath considered a libel suit, but in the end opted simply to mount an ad campaign of His own. . . .”
“If I wanted you to have seven kids, I would have given you a bigger planet.” – God
“Want to know how old the earth is? Ask the earth, not the Bible.” -God
“I’m flattered you liked my book so much. Now why don’t you read something new?” -God