So the International Astronomical Union (whoever the hell that is), after much speculation surrounding its recent re-definition of what constitutes a planet, has officially booted Pluto out of our solar system.
Bad day for Pluto. Bad day for Science teachers too – they’ve only got a few short weeks to take a magic marker and some liquid paper to all those textbooks.
And what about all those kids who just learned about the 9 planets in our solar system? What do we tell them? What about “My Very Educated Mother Just Served Us Nine Pizzas?” And what of Mickey Mouse’s dog, Pluto? Sorry buddy, you’re now named after a celestial has-been. Better luck next time! Yeah, and all you Scorpio’s? You’re ruled by a Dwarf Planet now! Bwahahahaha!
Why, oh why put us through all this IAU? Apparently Pluto’s fall from grace is a result of its orbit overlapping that of Neptune’s. Something about how a planet must have “cleared the neighbourhood around its orbit.” Fucking Neptune. Why should Pluto have to change its orbit just because Neptune is all bloated and drunkenly stumbling around space like my uncle Mary at a corn roast!
Nope, I for one cannot accept this decision by the IAU. Pluto, it may not mean much, but to me, you’ll always be the Pizza in my mnemonic device.